Hello there! Playing It Straight is back! What’s Playing It Straight I hear you cry?
‘It’s about this girl called Cara who needs to out the gays to win some cash and you can watch it here.’
So the new series of Playing It Straight (which you should now have a very good understanding of from the amazing synopsis above) started a couple of weeks ago and is becoming a bit of a classic. There have been two series of the show, but the first one was shown YONKS ago and has June Sarpong in. Where is Sarpong? I like the Sarpong. BRING THE SARPONG BACK!
Anyway, replacing ‘The Sarpong’ is Jameela and it is now narrated by that spexybeast Alan Carr whose comments are obviously fantastic.
So, without further delay, here are the 12 chaps looking for love/money/to prove a point/or all of the previous:
Fletcher – straight
We don’t remember Fletcher. But here’s a fun fact for you! Fletcher “hates arrogant people who only talk about themselves”. Fletcher told us this in his profile…where he talks about himself.
This guy was blatantly straight. He is also apparently MARRIED but separated for six years! Filippo says he looks like Al Pacino “when his hair is down “. That’s so weird, me too.
This was a shocker! Not because he’s gay (blats again) but Cara kinda fancied him so I thought she’d keep him around to stare into his eyes or summat. Kyle says in his profile that he’s prone to telling “little white lies”. Probably not the best thing to say when you’re on a gameshow based around lying. Silly beautifully-eyed Kyle…
Yeah, I get that. Leroy didn’t make much of an impression…but he does like the cinema…
Who’s still around
a.k.a the biggest prat known to man. Andrei ”knows the laws of attraction and will use it to attract as many fans as (he) can”. Right then.
The highlight for Andrei so far is his amazing wooing skills which include trying to snog the face off the poor girl and talking about his “half dead drunken penis”…
‘Wooing Wonder Andrei’, are you gay or are you straight? Going with…straight…he’s too obvious!
David describes himself as “outgoing, confident and opinionated”, which he isn’t, and that people tell him he looks like Ben Affleck, which he doesn’t. Basically I wouldn’t believe a single word he says on this here profile.
I bet he COULD live without a tennis racket. Liar.
‘Not Ben Affleck David’, are you gay or are you straight? …possibly! If he lies about tennis rackets, what else is he capable of?
He’s a laaad. From Essex. Laaad. Danny doesn’t like people who are camp or posh. So David then. And he likes raving, quad biking and exercising in no particular order.
Danny’s a fun guy ’cause he comes out with quotes like “Don’t judge a book by his hair”. Laaad.
‘Danny Laaad’, are you gay or are you straight? Tough one. He should be straight, but something’s niggling with this one…
Ben and Sam
Ben and Sam are together because they are twins and writing for both of them would be effort. One can be distinguish from the other with a certain awful grey v-neck and, also, when Alan Carr tells you which one’s which.
‘V-Neck Ben’ and ‘The Other One Sam’, are you gay or are you straight? Difficult call. Very difficult. Ben and his v-neck could be a double bluff but heck! I’m going with Ben gay and Sam straight!
Cool man Levi. Cool man Levi who can’t live without his…leopard print thong? Levi hasn’t done much yet, but he’s a bit of a enigma…
‘Coolman Levi’, are you gay or are you straight? Not a bleeding clue!
Sven is a bit of a weird one. Like he doesn’t really understand what he’s suppose to do. Instead of wooing fair maiden, he decides to make her hate him by being a prat and drawing awful pictures of her. Is this a tactic though? So when Cara finally has his affection, she won’t want to send him away?
He also was chat chat chatting away in the last episode about how competitive he is…He probably got confused with which gameshow he was suppose to go on. Hot, sunny, 12-ish contestants, silly tasks. He thinks he’s on Total Wipeout doesn’t he. He was well ‘ard with those tomatoes though.
‘Well ‘Ard Sven’, are you gay or are you straight? Controversial, but I think he’s gay…
Last but not least. Dean, from… probably Bedfordshire, has never had his teeth whitened.
Nor have most people Dean. Get over it.
He enjoys stuff and does stuff and will probably couldn’t live without his phone like everyone else. To be honest, I’m running out of steam here.
So, ‘Dean who likes stuff’, are you gay or are you straight? This is another Levi situation. We’re going to have to see more…